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Here are your answers for the 15-character meme - thanks for an interesting set of questions! This was harder than I thought, mostly because my perfectionist tendencies kept getting in the way. It is what it is and it does not need to make sense. So there.
The fifteen characters are:
1. Bilbo Baggins
2. Neal Caffrey
3. Alexis Castle
4. Andy Dalziel
5. The Dowager Duchess of Denver
6. Albus Dumbledore
7. Martha Jones
8, Preserved Killick
9. Ma Kosti
10. Stephen Maturin
11. James Moriarty
12. Armsman Pym
13. Mal Reynolds
14. Cordelia Vorkosigan
15. Mark Vorkosigan
And here are the questions:
Neal Caffrey, Andy Dalziel, Albus Dumbledore and Preserved Killick are sharing a sleeper compartment on an overnight train. Where are they going, do they all get there in one piece, and do they get any sleep?
They're traveling from London to Glasgow, though I'm not sure that entails a sleeper, but never mind. I can put three of them in the 1990s without difficulty: Neal is a teenage runaway off on his first foreign adventure; Dalziel is going to an aunt's funeral straight from a police conference; and Dumbledore is undercover as a Muggle. You'd think Killick would take longer to recover from his first time travel experience and his first train journey, but he shakes it off quickly. He fixates on Dalziel, even though he can only understand one word in three of what he says, and does his bidding though of course not without grumbling. Dalziel accepts Killick's reflex offer of toasted cheese with enthusiasm, and only then does Killick realize he's left the spirit stove (not to mention the cheese and tack) behind on the Surprise. But Neal takes Killick off to the dining car for a raid. Dalziel, who hasn't revealed his profession, debates with himself whether to arrest Neal, but decides he's on holiday. They all enjoy toasted cheese, and Dumbledore spends the night trying to get Neal to roll up his sleeve (or take off his shirt) because he's sure he's a Death Eater (and is very curious about Voldemort's recruitment in America). Dalziel and Killick make cheerfully homophobic remarks about them in their different accents and vocabularies, but really find it all quite amusing. No one sleeps. Dumbledore Apparates away in the middle of the night as they near Hogsmeade (it's difficult to do from a train lavatory, but he's Dumbledore), but the rest of them arrive fine. Later, Dalziel hires Killick as a police constable, and they fail to catch Neal when he cons his way into a Mid-Yorkshire museum and steals a golden (and, coincidentally, magical) chalice. But that's the sequel.
Bilbo Baggins, Stephen Maturin and Armsman Pym go hiking together in the wilderness of your choice. Do they get lost, do they pack appropriate equipment and do any of them get eaten by bears?
They are in Middle-Earth (because Bilbo would have the hardest time adjusting to another world) and of course nothing bad happens, because Pym is there. He does have some difficulty keeping Stephen from chasing after curiously English birds and plants, not to mention the baby dragon, and there was that close call with the trolls, but Pym just stunned them and they turned to stone at dawn. Their equipment is military-grade, Bilbo and Stephen know what's good to eat in the woods and Pym has rations just in case, and they do run into a bear, but it's Beorn, and he recognizes Bilbo and invites them for dinner.
All the characters are staying at a (possibly interdimensional) country house when the Dowager Duchess of Denver gets murdered. Whodunnit, how and why, and does he/she take the gentlemanly option in the library when it's all over, who are the red herrings, who thinks they've solved the mystery, who really solves the mystery, and who ignores the whole thing to conduct a torrid affair while it's all going on.
All the characters are gathered interdimensionally at the Dower House at Duke's Denver in the 1940s, whereupon I regret that I did not include Jack Harkness in my list, but oh well. James Moriarty (the modern whelp, not the original) is blackmailing Honoria Lucasta, threatening to reveal that her brief nineteenth-century affair with Albus Dumbledore (uselessly denying his sexuality) produced Peter Wimsey (a Squib, but not without abilities). She corners Dumbledore and twitters at him; when he eventually gets the point he refuses to help her, because he is keeping a low profile while working against Grindelwald with the assistance of Armsman Pym. Killick, who routinely listens at doors, overhears them. The next day the Dowager Duchess's body is found in her dressing room, with no apparent cause of death - as if done by magic! Killick reveals the conversation he heard - "Which she was yammering at him like a drunken bosun's mate" - and suspicion falls on Dumbledore.
However, Andy Dalziel and Cordelia Vorkosigan are not convinced, and continue to investigate the murder. They set Stephen Maturin and Martha Jones to research untraceable poisons, but the two doctors are soon distracted by each other and begin a torrid affair. Meanwhile, Dumbledore (surprisingly unconcerned at being accused of murder) follows Neal Caffrey around the house, annoying Neal, who's trying to assess the value of the paintings. Mal Reynolds distracts Dumbledore by telling him that he saw Bilbo Baggins disappear, and then tries to get in on Neal's planned heist.
Alexis is quietly investigating on her own by striking up conversations with everyone, playing dumb, and telling them that Pym must have done it because he's the closest thing to a butler (all Honoria's servants had the day off, and Ma Kosti is preparing the meals with Mark's help). Everyone tells her she's being silly except Moriarty, who encourages her and agrees to meet her that evening to spy on Pym. When they are alone, she tells him that she knows he murdered the Dowager Duchess; even though he is innocent he prepares to kill Alexis to prevent her from revealing his blackmail (she listens at doors too). At the last minute Mal runs into the room and saves her, and Dalziel arrests Moriarty for attempted murder. Alexis goes off with Mal to recover; for some reason she feels very comfortable with him.
Stephen and Martha, who have been discussing untraceable poisons as pillow talk, suddenly have a breakthrough and declare that they know how the murder was committed. The only thing the Dowager Duchess ate that no one else did was a slice of Ma Kosti's cake; the remaining cake is removed from the trash and analyzed. The poison in the icing is unknown on Barrayar, and no one wants to think Ma Kosti guilty, so suspicion falls on Mark, who has disappeared. Bilbo appears suddenly and says he saw Mark stirring the icing. Neal, coming to consult with Mal about the heist, exclaims that he's seen a painting of Alexis; it's in fact a portrait of Honoria as a young girl that hangs outside Mark's room. Mark, tragically, became convinced by the coincidental resemblance that Honoria had cloned herself and was planning to waste Alexis's brilliant brain and transplant her own in its place.
"Which he's scunnered!" says Killick.
"Well," says Cordelia, who is not so secretly glad Mark escaped, "at least we've got Moriarty."
"Oh aye," says Dalziel. "Odd bugger that. Summat out of place."
Mark Vorkosigan writes fanfic. Mal Reynolds and James Moriarty are his beta-readers. What is the fic, and what comments do Ma Kosti and Martha Jones leave on it?
For a while during Mark's stay on Beta he came under the care of a very logical psychologist, who casually recommended that he read Sherlock Holmes stories. He then discovered a Holmes fanfic archive and thought he'd give it a try himself. Luckily he showed his first fic attempt to Kareen, who suggested that perhaps the Thames Flood Barrier was not a familiar structure to Holmes and Watson, and that Moriarty's minions probably didn't wear brown and pink, but she wasn't really sure, maybe he should check it out? So he asked for beta readers. Serenity1 thought he should cut out Lestrade, get Holmes free of the police state, maybe send him exploring and give him some more sidekicks, including Irene Adler in a tight dress. JMSpider was more helpful with the historical details, and suggested playing up the hinted special relationship between Holmes and Watson. Mark ignored everything, rewrote his story to his own taste, and posted it. Howl and Killer paced in his head all night, but the comments were almost all positive; DrJones loved the sense of Holmes and Watson not being anchored in any particular time period, and CreamPuff34 loved his interpretation of Mrs. Hudson and made astute observations about the Sherlock-Mycroft dynamic. Next session with the psychologist, Mark made several important breakthroughs.
Bilbo Baggins discovers that he is the long-lost son of Neal Caffrey and Alexis Castle. How, and what happens next?
*blank stare* Um. Well, I did want to do a "Castle"/"White Collar" crossover, and Neal/Alexis is a reasonable enough pairing, if perhaps she met him when her father wasn't around and pretended to be older. And then Alexis gets pregnant, and has a baby who is... unreasonably small, and a wizard with a long white beard (Gandalf, not Dumbledore) appears in the hospital room and says he must take the child to fulfill an important destiny, and Neal has taken off by that time anyway, so... yeah. Gandalf must tell Bilbo at some point, but I can't imagine he'd want to visit New York.
Martha Jones is dying, and all the characters are gathered around her deathbed. What
is her last message to each of them?
She tells each of them to be at a particular place on a particular date, where she remembers seeing them during her travels with the Doctor. Then she dies of a surfeit of paradox.
Which character would be the best scientist? What sort of science would he/she work on?
Discounting those who are already scientists/doctors... I actually think if Neal had been given other early influences and more stability, he could have been an excellent biologist or chemist. Or maybe nanotechnology - something that requires that fine motor control and precision of thought and planning that he possesses. He'd also be a great lecturer.
All the characters work together. What is the organization? What are their roles?
What happens to the organization?
Why my mind turns immediately to a criminal gang... well, Moriarty (the original this time) is the spider in the center of the web; Mal and Neal plan the cons and thefts, helped by Alexis; Cordelia and the Dowager Duchess are the connection to high society, mark the victims, and report on how best to rob or otherwise exploit them; Ma Kosti helps by spying on the servants; Bilbo is the burglar; Mark is the hit man; Pym and Killick are the muscle; Martha and Stephen are the doctors on call; Dalziel is the bitter ex-cop; and no one quite knows what Dumbledore does, but he always seems to save the day. Neal and Cordelia get talking one night and decide that what they're doing is wrong, and they are no sooner on a plane for the islands than Martha and Dalziel, both double agents (respectively for Torchwood - because Bilbo is an alien - and, uncharacteristically, for the funny buggers), bring in their respective forces and shut the operation down.
The Dowager Duchess of Denver wakes up in a hostel in Norway. She has no idea of how she arrived there. However, not one to miss an adventure, she calls Mal Reynolds, Bilbo Baggins and Stephen Maturin to join her (and bring supplies). Once assembled, how do they go about exploring, which one is the history geek, which is the party child and how the heck did the Duchess end up there to begin with?
Diary of Honoria Lucasta, Dowager Duchess of Denver. 23 May. Woke this morning rather stiff and uncomfortable, as though in a much harder bed than usual; called for Franklin. No answer: thought perhaps still in a snit over the scratches, though if she will step on poor Ahasuerus's tail I don't know what else she expects. Concluded after a moment that no matter what a snit she was in she could not manage to put me in a different bed overnight. Opened my eyes and what a surprise. A dreary room decidedly not my own, and three other beds with occupants! I called for Franklin again, and one of the sleepers sat up and cursed me. Not that I understand Norwegian, and of course I didn't know that it was Norwegian at the time, but clearly they were curses.
Got out of bed as fast as I could. I was in my nightdress and dressing gown, with no other clothes to be seen. A maze of corridors, but finally I found the front office and someone who spoke English to tell me where I was: Dårlig Ulv Stranden, apparently, though clearly that was not English, in fact it might have been another curse, but I was hardly in a position to argue the point. If it was a point. In fact I believe we are on a bay. The air is very damp and smells rather unpleasant.
I asked for a telephone, to make a call to England. The proprietor of the establishment was very insistent that I pay the charges; I inquired with what was I supposed to reimburse him since I had no more than the garments I wore, and I am not in the habit of keeping sixpences in my dressing gown pockets. None of my inquiries as to how I came here were answered with more than a dour shrug, but I was allowed the telephone. I determined to make three calls. Dear Malcolm agreed to extricate me from my interesting situation - and no doubt to get me into a few more on the way home - and Bilbo promised seedcakes and tea and some clothing, though certainly nothing of his would fit me! and we do not share tastes in color. Reached Stephen by ship-to-shore, or rather shore-to-ship, and he pledged to be at my side, the weather-gage permitting or some such nautical nonsense.
Malcolm paid for my inadvertent overnight lodging and the telephone - I did not inquire as to the source of his funds - and Bilbo joined us for a seaside picnic. We observed a rather dramatic scene involving a handsome pair of twins and a young blonde, and I was just about to point out to them that another solution to their dilemma existed, because it may not be in our code of behavior these days, but multiple marriage was known in the Bible and even the Archbishop cannot argue about that, when Stephen arrived in a small boat, singing Mozart of all things in that creaky voice, and soon had tutti including the twins and the blonde joining him in chorus. He always has been a party child, dear Stephen, and much as he may sulk things are livelier when he is about.
Bilbo sneaked about quietly and investigated our location, returning to report that the bay has a history of sudden appearances and disappearances, though with all the fog that is no great surprise. But who do I know - besides Bilbo - who is a master of sudden appearances? He could easily enough have carried me off - rather shocking and exciting! - and deposited me here to be later fetched, like a parcel, though not wrapped in a dressing gown not brown paper. He will be disappointed to find that my friends have stymied his attempt at kidnapping. But Albus is determined and there will always be a next time. Dear Albus.
Cordelia Vorkosigan becomes a hermit in a secluded place. Ma Kosti goes to visit her for advice. What do they talk about?
They talk about food, of course, but Ma Kosti doesn't have to trek all the way to the cave in the Dendarii Mountains to discuss the culinary arts; she has students now, and many admirers, and what she's earned working for both Mark and Miles lets her go to conferences on Escobar. She brings Cordelia little treats, though, and she brings her the world - more than one world, in fact. What she wants advice about is how to deal with estrangement from her children - not emotional separation, they still all love each other, but they are so busy and live far away - but she knows better than to ask directly; she just talks, and Cordelia talks back, and maybe one of these days Cordelia will come out of the cave and go back to live in Vorbarr Sultana, or at least Hassadar. She'd like Cordelia to meet Martin's little son. A whole restaurant full of bug butter cream pastries wouldn't tempt her, but grandchildren might.
Armsman Pym and Albus Dumbledore are stranded together, with night coming on, very few supplies, and enemies closing in. What do they do?
Well, I already wrote the fic where Pym is really a wizard, but even without that, Dumbledore could still Apparate the two of them away. So we must assume they need to face the enemies for some reason. I suspect they spend the night arguing about who will sacrifice himself to save the other, and end up with a cunning plan that involves Pym going undercover as a Death Eater.
What sort of h/c scenario can you imagine for Alexis Castle and Cordelia Vorkosigan?
Alexis is clearly the daughter Cordelia never had, so even if they had not met before they would be instantly close. Alexis would be transported to Barrayar due to an accident with a machine built by one of her classmates, and come down with the flu, and Cordelia would nurse her back to health, thus distracting herself from a political crisis that she can't do anything about. Alexis would keep saying how when she got sick her father did this and that for her, and Cordelia would find a way to do it, even the electronic Battleship game and the mango ice cream. And then they would play with swordsticks.
James Moriarty and Armsman Pym are on a road trip. Who drives? Who navigates? Who comes closest to committing murder?
This one is definitely Jim Moriarty, and they are on Barrayar, so Pym is driving because Jim can't handle a groundcar and anyway Pym would drive no matter what. Pym hates him from the start, but Miles has given an order and he follows it. They are headed to ImpSec HQ, and they get stuck in traffic, and Pym keeps trying to navigate his way out but the congestion gets worse. Jim sits there humming BeeGees music and pretending to talk on a cell phone. After a while Pym realizes that Jim is manipulating the signals so as to cause chaos, for no apparent reason but to drive Pym crazy. Nevertheless he does not commit murder, or suicide - he doesn't stress easily, having worked for the Vorkosigans so long - and delivers Jim to ImpSec only to discover that the appointment has been moved to tomorrow because General Allegre is also stuck in traffic.
*
I seem to have stressed poor Pym out quite a lot. "pets him*
The fifteen characters are:
1. Bilbo Baggins
2. Neal Caffrey
3. Alexis Castle
4. Andy Dalziel
5. The Dowager Duchess of Denver
6. Albus Dumbledore
7. Martha Jones
8, Preserved Killick
9. Ma Kosti
10. Stephen Maturin
11. James Moriarty
12. Armsman Pym
13. Mal Reynolds
14. Cordelia Vorkosigan
15. Mark Vorkosigan
And here are the questions:
Neal Caffrey, Andy Dalziel, Albus Dumbledore and Preserved Killick are sharing a sleeper compartment on an overnight train. Where are they going, do they all get there in one piece, and do they get any sleep?
They're traveling from London to Glasgow, though I'm not sure that entails a sleeper, but never mind. I can put three of them in the 1990s without difficulty: Neal is a teenage runaway off on his first foreign adventure; Dalziel is going to an aunt's funeral straight from a police conference; and Dumbledore is undercover as a Muggle. You'd think Killick would take longer to recover from his first time travel experience and his first train journey, but he shakes it off quickly. He fixates on Dalziel, even though he can only understand one word in three of what he says, and does his bidding though of course not without grumbling. Dalziel accepts Killick's reflex offer of toasted cheese with enthusiasm, and only then does Killick realize he's left the spirit stove (not to mention the cheese and tack) behind on the Surprise. But Neal takes Killick off to the dining car for a raid. Dalziel, who hasn't revealed his profession, debates with himself whether to arrest Neal, but decides he's on holiday. They all enjoy toasted cheese, and Dumbledore spends the night trying to get Neal to roll up his sleeve (or take off his shirt) because he's sure he's a Death Eater (and is very curious about Voldemort's recruitment in America). Dalziel and Killick make cheerfully homophobic remarks about them in their different accents and vocabularies, but really find it all quite amusing. No one sleeps. Dumbledore Apparates away in the middle of the night as they near Hogsmeade (it's difficult to do from a train lavatory, but he's Dumbledore), but the rest of them arrive fine. Later, Dalziel hires Killick as a police constable, and they fail to catch Neal when he cons his way into a Mid-Yorkshire museum and steals a golden (and, coincidentally, magical) chalice. But that's the sequel.
Bilbo Baggins, Stephen Maturin and Armsman Pym go hiking together in the wilderness of your choice. Do they get lost, do they pack appropriate equipment and do any of them get eaten by bears?
They are in Middle-Earth (because Bilbo would have the hardest time adjusting to another world) and of course nothing bad happens, because Pym is there. He does have some difficulty keeping Stephen from chasing after curiously English birds and plants, not to mention the baby dragon, and there was that close call with the trolls, but Pym just stunned them and they turned to stone at dawn. Their equipment is military-grade, Bilbo and Stephen know what's good to eat in the woods and Pym has rations just in case, and they do run into a bear, but it's Beorn, and he recognizes Bilbo and invites them for dinner.
All the characters are staying at a (possibly interdimensional) country house when the Dowager Duchess of Denver gets murdered. Whodunnit, how and why, and does he/she take the gentlemanly option in the library when it's all over, who are the red herrings, who thinks they've solved the mystery, who really solves the mystery, and who ignores the whole thing to conduct a torrid affair while it's all going on.
All the characters are gathered interdimensionally at the Dower House at Duke's Denver in the 1940s, whereupon I regret that I did not include Jack Harkness in my list, but oh well. James Moriarty (the modern whelp, not the original) is blackmailing Honoria Lucasta, threatening to reveal that her brief nineteenth-century affair with Albus Dumbledore (uselessly denying his sexuality) produced Peter Wimsey (a Squib, but not without abilities). She corners Dumbledore and twitters at him; when he eventually gets the point he refuses to help her, because he is keeping a low profile while working against Grindelwald with the assistance of Armsman Pym. Killick, who routinely listens at doors, overhears them. The next day the Dowager Duchess's body is found in her dressing room, with no apparent cause of death - as if done by magic! Killick reveals the conversation he heard - "Which she was yammering at him like a drunken bosun's mate" - and suspicion falls on Dumbledore.
However, Andy Dalziel and Cordelia Vorkosigan are not convinced, and continue to investigate the murder. They set Stephen Maturin and Martha Jones to research untraceable poisons, but the two doctors are soon distracted by each other and begin a torrid affair. Meanwhile, Dumbledore (surprisingly unconcerned at being accused of murder) follows Neal Caffrey around the house, annoying Neal, who's trying to assess the value of the paintings. Mal Reynolds distracts Dumbledore by telling him that he saw Bilbo Baggins disappear, and then tries to get in on Neal's planned heist.
Alexis is quietly investigating on her own by striking up conversations with everyone, playing dumb, and telling them that Pym must have done it because he's the closest thing to a butler (all Honoria's servants had the day off, and Ma Kosti is preparing the meals with Mark's help). Everyone tells her she's being silly except Moriarty, who encourages her and agrees to meet her that evening to spy on Pym. When they are alone, she tells him that she knows he murdered the Dowager Duchess; even though he is innocent he prepares to kill Alexis to prevent her from revealing his blackmail (she listens at doors too). At the last minute Mal runs into the room and saves her, and Dalziel arrests Moriarty for attempted murder. Alexis goes off with Mal to recover; for some reason she feels very comfortable with him.
Stephen and Martha, who have been discussing untraceable poisons as pillow talk, suddenly have a breakthrough and declare that they know how the murder was committed. The only thing the Dowager Duchess ate that no one else did was a slice of Ma Kosti's cake; the remaining cake is removed from the trash and analyzed. The poison in the icing is unknown on Barrayar, and no one wants to think Ma Kosti guilty, so suspicion falls on Mark, who has disappeared. Bilbo appears suddenly and says he saw Mark stirring the icing. Neal, coming to consult with Mal about the heist, exclaims that he's seen a painting of Alexis; it's in fact a portrait of Honoria as a young girl that hangs outside Mark's room. Mark, tragically, became convinced by the coincidental resemblance that Honoria had cloned herself and was planning to waste Alexis's brilliant brain and transplant her own in its place.
"Which he's scunnered!" says Killick.
"Well," says Cordelia, who is not so secretly glad Mark escaped, "at least we've got Moriarty."
"Oh aye," says Dalziel. "Odd bugger that. Summat out of place."
Mark Vorkosigan writes fanfic. Mal Reynolds and James Moriarty are his beta-readers. What is the fic, and what comments do Ma Kosti and Martha Jones leave on it?
For a while during Mark's stay on Beta he came under the care of a very logical psychologist, who casually recommended that he read Sherlock Holmes stories. He then discovered a Holmes fanfic archive and thought he'd give it a try himself. Luckily he showed his first fic attempt to Kareen, who suggested that perhaps the Thames Flood Barrier was not a familiar structure to Holmes and Watson, and that Moriarty's minions probably didn't wear brown and pink, but she wasn't really sure, maybe he should check it out? So he asked for beta readers. Serenity1 thought he should cut out Lestrade, get Holmes free of the police state, maybe send him exploring and give him some more sidekicks, including Irene Adler in a tight dress. JMSpider was more helpful with the historical details, and suggested playing up the hinted special relationship between Holmes and Watson. Mark ignored everything, rewrote his story to his own taste, and posted it. Howl and Killer paced in his head all night, but the comments were almost all positive; DrJones loved the sense of Holmes and Watson not being anchored in any particular time period, and CreamPuff34 loved his interpretation of Mrs. Hudson and made astute observations about the Sherlock-Mycroft dynamic. Next session with the psychologist, Mark made several important breakthroughs.
Bilbo Baggins discovers that he is the long-lost son of Neal Caffrey and Alexis Castle. How, and what happens next?
*blank stare* Um. Well, I did want to do a "Castle"/"White Collar" crossover, and Neal/Alexis is a reasonable enough pairing, if perhaps she met him when her father wasn't around and pretended to be older. And then Alexis gets pregnant, and has a baby who is... unreasonably small, and a wizard with a long white beard (Gandalf, not Dumbledore) appears in the hospital room and says he must take the child to fulfill an important destiny, and Neal has taken off by that time anyway, so... yeah. Gandalf must tell Bilbo at some point, but I can't imagine he'd want to visit New York.
Martha Jones is dying, and all the characters are gathered around her deathbed. What
is her last message to each of them?
She tells each of them to be at a particular place on a particular date, where she remembers seeing them during her travels with the Doctor. Then she dies of a surfeit of paradox.
Which character would be the best scientist? What sort of science would he/she work on?
Discounting those who are already scientists/doctors... I actually think if Neal had been given other early influences and more stability, he could have been an excellent biologist or chemist. Or maybe nanotechnology - something that requires that fine motor control and precision of thought and planning that he possesses. He'd also be a great lecturer.
All the characters work together. What is the organization? What are their roles?
What happens to the organization?
Why my mind turns immediately to a criminal gang... well, Moriarty (the original this time) is the spider in the center of the web; Mal and Neal plan the cons and thefts, helped by Alexis; Cordelia and the Dowager Duchess are the connection to high society, mark the victims, and report on how best to rob or otherwise exploit them; Ma Kosti helps by spying on the servants; Bilbo is the burglar; Mark is the hit man; Pym and Killick are the muscle; Martha and Stephen are the doctors on call; Dalziel is the bitter ex-cop; and no one quite knows what Dumbledore does, but he always seems to save the day. Neal and Cordelia get talking one night and decide that what they're doing is wrong, and they are no sooner on a plane for the islands than Martha and Dalziel, both double agents (respectively for Torchwood - because Bilbo is an alien - and, uncharacteristically, for the funny buggers), bring in their respective forces and shut the operation down.
The Dowager Duchess of Denver wakes up in a hostel in Norway. She has no idea of how she arrived there. However, not one to miss an adventure, she calls Mal Reynolds, Bilbo Baggins and Stephen Maturin to join her (and bring supplies). Once assembled, how do they go about exploring, which one is the history geek, which is the party child and how the heck did the Duchess end up there to begin with?
Diary of Honoria Lucasta, Dowager Duchess of Denver. 23 May. Woke this morning rather stiff and uncomfortable, as though in a much harder bed than usual; called for Franklin. No answer: thought perhaps still in a snit over the scratches, though if she will step on poor Ahasuerus's tail I don't know what else she expects. Concluded after a moment that no matter what a snit she was in she could not manage to put me in a different bed overnight. Opened my eyes and what a surprise. A dreary room decidedly not my own, and three other beds with occupants! I called for Franklin again, and one of the sleepers sat up and cursed me. Not that I understand Norwegian, and of course I didn't know that it was Norwegian at the time, but clearly they were curses.
Got out of bed as fast as I could. I was in my nightdress and dressing gown, with no other clothes to be seen. A maze of corridors, but finally I found the front office and someone who spoke English to tell me where I was: Dårlig Ulv Stranden, apparently, though clearly that was not English, in fact it might have been another curse, but I was hardly in a position to argue the point. If it was a point. In fact I believe we are on a bay. The air is very damp and smells rather unpleasant.
I asked for a telephone, to make a call to England. The proprietor of the establishment was very insistent that I pay the charges; I inquired with what was I supposed to reimburse him since I had no more than the garments I wore, and I am not in the habit of keeping sixpences in my dressing gown pockets. None of my inquiries as to how I came here were answered with more than a dour shrug, but I was allowed the telephone. I determined to make three calls. Dear Malcolm agreed to extricate me from my interesting situation - and no doubt to get me into a few more on the way home - and Bilbo promised seedcakes and tea and some clothing, though certainly nothing of his would fit me! and we do not share tastes in color. Reached Stephen by ship-to-shore, or rather shore-to-ship, and he pledged to be at my side, the weather-gage permitting or some such nautical nonsense.
Malcolm paid for my inadvertent overnight lodging and the telephone - I did not inquire as to the source of his funds - and Bilbo joined us for a seaside picnic. We observed a rather dramatic scene involving a handsome pair of twins and a young blonde, and I was just about to point out to them that another solution to their dilemma existed, because it may not be in our code of behavior these days, but multiple marriage was known in the Bible and even the Archbishop cannot argue about that, when Stephen arrived in a small boat, singing Mozart of all things in that creaky voice, and soon had tutti including the twins and the blonde joining him in chorus. He always has been a party child, dear Stephen, and much as he may sulk things are livelier when he is about.
Bilbo sneaked about quietly and investigated our location, returning to report that the bay has a history of sudden appearances and disappearances, though with all the fog that is no great surprise. But who do I know - besides Bilbo - who is a master of sudden appearances? He could easily enough have carried me off - rather shocking and exciting! - and deposited me here to be later fetched, like a parcel, though not wrapped in a dressing gown not brown paper. He will be disappointed to find that my friends have stymied his attempt at kidnapping. But Albus is determined and there will always be a next time. Dear Albus.
Cordelia Vorkosigan becomes a hermit in a secluded place. Ma Kosti goes to visit her for advice. What do they talk about?
They talk about food, of course, but Ma Kosti doesn't have to trek all the way to the cave in the Dendarii Mountains to discuss the culinary arts; she has students now, and many admirers, and what she's earned working for both Mark and Miles lets her go to conferences on Escobar. She brings Cordelia little treats, though, and she brings her the world - more than one world, in fact. What she wants advice about is how to deal with estrangement from her children - not emotional separation, they still all love each other, but they are so busy and live far away - but she knows better than to ask directly; she just talks, and Cordelia talks back, and maybe one of these days Cordelia will come out of the cave and go back to live in Vorbarr Sultana, or at least Hassadar. She'd like Cordelia to meet Martin's little son. A whole restaurant full of bug butter cream pastries wouldn't tempt her, but grandchildren might.
Armsman Pym and Albus Dumbledore are stranded together, with night coming on, very few supplies, and enemies closing in. What do they do?
Well, I already wrote the fic where Pym is really a wizard, but even without that, Dumbledore could still Apparate the two of them away. So we must assume they need to face the enemies for some reason. I suspect they spend the night arguing about who will sacrifice himself to save the other, and end up with a cunning plan that involves Pym going undercover as a Death Eater.
What sort of h/c scenario can you imagine for Alexis Castle and Cordelia Vorkosigan?
Alexis is clearly the daughter Cordelia never had, so even if they had not met before they would be instantly close. Alexis would be transported to Barrayar due to an accident with a machine built by one of her classmates, and come down with the flu, and Cordelia would nurse her back to health, thus distracting herself from a political crisis that she can't do anything about. Alexis would keep saying how when she got sick her father did this and that for her, and Cordelia would find a way to do it, even the electronic Battleship game and the mango ice cream. And then they would play with swordsticks.
James Moriarty and Armsman Pym are on a road trip. Who drives? Who navigates? Who comes closest to committing murder?
This one is definitely Jim Moriarty, and they are on Barrayar, so Pym is driving because Jim can't handle a groundcar and anyway Pym would drive no matter what. Pym hates him from the start, but Miles has given an order and he follows it. They are headed to ImpSec HQ, and they get stuck in traffic, and Pym keeps trying to navigate his way out but the congestion gets worse. Jim sits there humming BeeGees music and pretending to talk on a cell phone. After a while Pym realizes that Jim is manipulating the signals so as to cause chaos, for no apparent reason but to drive Pym crazy. Nevertheless he does not commit murder, or suicide - he doesn't stress easily, having worked for the Vorkosigans so long - and delivers Jim to ImpSec only to discover that the appointment has been moved to tomorrow because General Allegre is also stuck in traffic.
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I seem to have stressed poor Pym out quite a lot. "pets him*
